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The Opinions

Herb and Lou have thoughts. On dosing, terpenes, the lost art of the bar, and whatever's funny this week.

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bar tab

Lou's Official Complaint That the Bar Charged You for the Shift Change (And the Shift Change Is Not a THC Old Fashioned)

Lou has examined the bar tab line by line and found a charge for "staff transition." This is not a cocktail ingredient. This was not requested. Lou has...

Herb & Lou's · Sep 06, 2026
Herb's Official Announcement That the Shots Are Coming (And Why He Is Already Taking Credit for the Whole Thing)

Herb has an announcement, a memo, and zero intention of sharing credit. The Herb & Lou's...

Herb's Official Memo on Why You Are Drinking Too Slowly (And Why the Can Is Already Colder Than You Deserve)

Herb has audited your drinking pace and the findings are damning. Lou's Damn Right I'm Old...

Herb's Official Complaint About Why Your Tonic Water Costs More Than His Mortgage (And the Can That Made Him Stop Checking the Bill)

Herb has audited the modern bar tab and filed his findings. Tonic water, garnishes, craft ice,...

Lou's Official Theory of Why the House Round Is a Trick (And You Keep Falling for It)

Lou delivers a furious audit of the bar industry's oldest con, the unsolicited house round, and...

Lou's Official Ruling on Why You Are Drinking Too Late and Getting Home Too Slowly (And the Can That Fixed Both)

Lou has opinions about bar hours, slow bartenders, and the crime of waiting 40 minutes for...

Herb's Official Lab Report on Why Your THC Drink Hits in 20 Minutes (And Why That Is Entirely Our Doing)

Herb explains nano emulsification THC drink science the way only Herb can: with complete certainty, mild...

Lou's Official Position on Why Zero Proof Does Not Mean Zero Fun (And Why You Have Been Misled)

Lou has opinions about zero proof cocktails, none of them polite. Find out what a zero...

Lou's Complete Breakdown of Why You Are Paying for the Bartender's Therapy (And Not Getting a Discount)

Lou has done the math on a bar stool in a parking lot and the numbers...

Lou's Case Against the Cocktail Menu (And Why Yours Has Too Many Words)

Lou has looked at your cocktail menu and he has opinions. Too many words, too many...

Herb Explains Why Mary's M Train Espresso Martini Is Not a Dessert and He Will Not Be Taking Questions

Herb has conducted a full audit of the THC espresso martini situation, and the findings are...

Lou's Theory of Why the Open Bar Is a Moral Failure (And a Financial Crime)

Lou declares war on the open bar, line by line, and explains why reaching for a...

Herb's Official Field Guide to the Bar Tab (And Why Yours Is a Cry for Help)

Herb runs a line-by-line forensic audit of a modern bar tab and finds nothing but surcharges,...

Herb Explains Why You Are Paying for Ice (And He Has the Receipt to Prove It)

Herb has audited the modern bar tab, line by line, and he has questions. Specifically about...

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