An Official Memo From the Desk of Herb (Regarding the Herb and Lou's THC Shots, Which Were Entirely My Idea)
To: Everyone.
From: Herb.
Re: The shots. My shots. The ones I invented.
I am writing this because it needs to be in writing. That is why writing was invented. So that when Lou stands in a parking lot on speakerphone six months from now telling a grocery store that the shots were his idea, there is a document. Dated. Signed. Witnessed by whoever is reading this right now. You are a witness. Thank you for your service.
The Herb and Lou's THC shots are coming. Six flavors. Two ounces each. Eight milligrams of THC plus two milligrams of terpenes per bottle. Big laughs in a small bottle, which is a sentence I wrote and do not need anyone else to claim.
The flavors are: Mojito, Pina Colada, Cinnamon Inferno, Strawberry Margarita, Lemon Drop, and Cosmopolitan. I named them. Lou will say he named the Cinnamon Inferno. Lou did not name anything. Lou named a cat once and got the gender wrong for four years.
Why the Herb and Lou's THC Shots Were Obviously My Idea
I have been in the can business long enough to recognize a gap in the market. The gap was: sometimes a person does not want eight and a half ounces. Sometimes a person wants two ounces, fast, pocket-sized, and carrying enough terpene-engineered good cheer to make a Tuesday feel like a Saturday. I saw this gap. I stared into it. I crossed my arms, nodded slowly, and said, "somebody should do something about that." Then I did something about that. That is called leadership and also entrepreneurship and I believe there is a certificate you can get for it.
The terpene blend, by the way, is the same one I developed for the cans. Linalool. Beta-Caryophyllene. Citronellol. I chose these personally. I looked at the science, I looked at the results, and I said, "yes, those are the correct molecules." The molecules did not thank me. That is fine. I am not doing it for the gratitude. I am doing it because the room needs to loosen up and I am the one who figured out how to do that without anyone ending up on the couch staring at the ceiling wondering what a ceiling is.
Eight milligrams is the right number. I know this because I have told you it is the right number on multiple occasions and I have not been wrong yet. Stronger than a nudge. Lighter than a mistake. The sweet spot, which is a phrase I also use freely and without royalties.
A Word on the Flavors (All of Which I Selected, Personally, With My Own Taste Buds)
Mojito. Classic. Refreshing. The kind of drink that says "I have my life together and also I am fun." I approved this immediately.
Pina Colada. Somebody on the team said "is this too fun?" I said there is no such thing as too fun and I stand by that. There are no notes.
Cinnamon Inferno. This one is mine in a very specific way. I wanted heat. I wanted something that made you pay attention. Something that announces itself. Lou tried it and made a face and I took that as a compliment.
Strawberry Margarita. Outstanding. No notes. Put it in the shot. Done.
Lemon Drop. Sharp. Clean. The kind of thing you drink before you say something smart. Which means I will be drinking this one constantly.
Cosmopolitan. Jane will claim this one. Jane always claims the Cosmopolitan. Jane can claim whatever she wants, but the formula was mine. You can also find the Cosmopolitan spirit across the lineup, frankly, because sophistication was my contribution to the entire brand from day one. You are welcome, everyone.
The Cans Are Still Here and They Are Also My Doing
While you are waiting for the shots (they are coming, I have announced them, this is official), the cans are in the fridge right now. Herb's Very Manly Peach Bellini is eight milligrams, the only one with bubbles, and the one I named after myself because I earned it. Lou's Damn Right I'm Old Fashioned is excellent and I will admit Lou had input on that one, which is the most credit I will give him in writing. Jane's Fancy Shmancy Pomegranate Cosmopolitan is an entrance in a can, as Jane would say, and she is not wrong. And Mary's M Train Double Espresso Martini is for anyone who refuses to call it a night, which is a sentiment I respect deeply.
If you have not tried all four, the Variety Pack exists and it is the correct starting point. I did not invent the concept of a variety pack, but I did recognize its value, which is almost the same thing.
Lou Will Read This and Say Something
He will say the shots were his idea. He will say he thought of them in a parking lot, on speakerphone, while being ignored by a Kroger. He will say this with absolute certainty while wearing a watch that stopped in 2009.
He is wrong. I have the memo. You have read the memo. We are done here.
The Herb and Lou's THC shots are coming. Six flavors. Eight milligrams each. Two ounces of terpene-engineered, nano-emulsified, laugh-forward good time, in a bottle small enough to put in your jacket pocket. The shots are a thc shot drink for people who understand efficiency, fun, and the correct way to make an entrance. I understand all three of those things. Lou understands one of them on a good day.
Watch this space. Or don't, and find out when Lou announces it on speakerphone in a parking lot like he thought of it himself.
That is all.
Yours in leadership,
Herb
For adults 21 and older only. Hemp-derived THC. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Please check your state and local laws before ordering.
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